I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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