The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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