I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
