I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
