worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
