you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
