Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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