I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
