i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
