You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
