thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
