Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
