he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
