her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
