I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
