Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
