i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
