Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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