Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
