The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
