just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
