Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
