so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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