I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
