oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
