is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
