oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
