I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
