when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
