it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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