So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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