chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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