DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Randomize
