my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
