i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
