you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
