We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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