Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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