Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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