I am in a vortex of obligation.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
