So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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