the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
