4 words: hood of his car
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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