My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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