it wasn't lemon gatorade
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
