You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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