so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
