Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
In the future we'll all be gay
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
