I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
