Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
