Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
