You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Randomize
