the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
