you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Drunk is not a location!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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