they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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