you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
