last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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