Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
