He is an equal opportunity slut.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
