If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
