kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
false alarm, still single
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
