I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I smell stomach acid.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
