I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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